i had a thought today on why so much of my energy, time, and resources get funneled into things involving social interactions and community. i have a dangerous inability to withhold myself and claim time and space for my own needs. i have an insubordinate level of passion that is only satiated by directly involving myself in the struggles directly in front of me, or the ones that won't lay off my heart and mind. i worry a lot. a lot. i stay up late worrying, trying to think up ways to resolve conflict, articulate and communicate better, brewing over poorly handled interactions, suffering relationships, neglected regions of my community, and my own shortcomings as a person, a friend, a lover, an "activist", an artist, a community member...
i don't think i like the idea or the term "activism." i don't really consider myself to be an activist so much as a person who cares enough about the community and world she is in to work hard to try to improve things. Activism is a stupid idea because it suggests that some people don't have to be activists, there are others around who specialize in that field of knowledge or interest somehow. Activism becomes a hobby like horseback riding; some people do it all the time some people aren't into it. This is not a useful or helpful way to conceptualize the actual work that needs to be done in our homes and communities and environments. The work that needs to be done is
necessary, it is
immediate, and it effects
EVERYBODY. i think it is a dangerous approach to assume making positive social and political change is not work that is cut out for every single one of us. There is so much that needs to change, we all need to step up! Anyway, activists risk deluding themselves with thoughts of self-importance, conceptualizing themselves as THE needed ingredient for our revolution. Maybe it's the whole "ism" thing.
But back to my problems with over-committing and over-obsessing with activities and projects that are community-based and revolve around social networks. Sometimes i just become so involved and submerged in whatever project(s) i have going on that i'm no longer making deliberate choices and freely associating myself, and i lose sight of the bigger picture, and my sense of immediacy and urgency consumes the life out of me until i lose myself in fits of despair when it's Thursday and the revolution still hasn't come.
I think i also have a fascination with live cultures. there is a connection between involving myself in the 'live culture' of community-based projects and my fascination with
fermentation, which is, of course, working with
live cultures! Hooray fermentation! I think becoming a fermenter has really helped me on things like
patience, understanding the really important lesson that i can add all this stuff and input, but really it is not up to me; after i've said my piece or done what i can, i have to just sit back and wait. This is has been really hard for me to understand with the community-based thing. I think i'm really used to being this kind of leader who gets it her way a lot because she thinks she's right and is passionate and has ideas a lot. Learning to not only have patience but
trust is sooooo incredibly difficult for me. Fermentation helps. Especially my sourdough. I think i have developed a really special relationship with it because i've struggled SO much to get it to respond the way i wanted it to. I've learned trust and patience very thoroughly with my starter!!! But, after all this time, while i still get frustrated waiting for it to bubble again, when it does bubble up we make some fucking incredible bread. I'm still working on trusting my friends and fellow workers. That's a whole lot harder.
The kids are as magical as the plants, and my co-teachers are incredible!!! i'm so glad to be doing this amazing project!
i had a thought today on why so much of my energy, time, and resources get funneled into things involving social interactions and community. i have a dangerous inability to withhold myself and claim time and space for my own needs. i have an insubordinate level of passion that is only satiated by directly involving myself in the struggles directly in front of me, or the ones that won't lay off my heart and mind. i worry a lot. a lot. i stay up late worrying, trying to think up ways to resolve conflict, articulate and communicate better, brewing over poorly handled interactions, suffering relationships, neglected regions of my community, and my own shortcomings as a person, a friend, a lover, an "activist", an artist, a community member...
But when i set out my jar to ferment, something magical happens. These powerful microbes are called forth from the air and from the environment. They take on new purpose as they come to populate the jar. One type of microbe comes first, preparing the jar's environment for its predecessors. Others follow, feeding off the waste products of their ancestors, continuing the process of transformation.
A sponge is just 2 cups of the starter mixed in with 4 cups of flour, 3 cups of water. This "sponge" then ferments another half a day or full day, stirring every few hours. I found the longer i let it ferment, the deeper the taste of sour, and the bigger the bread becomes.
"Arabia Mountain is known as a rock outcrop and a monadnock. A monadnock is an isolated hill standing above the surrounding area, in this case wooded Piedmont land. Many rock outcrops lie east of Atlanta. Most are active quarries. Stone Mountain, Panola Mountain, and Arabia Mountain are being protected by local and state governments. Four hundred million year old Arabia Mountain is the oldest of these three monadnocks, 100 million years older than its granite cousins. Arabia is famous for the swirling rock pattern characteristic of "Lithonia gneiss," which looks especially beautiful on foggy days. Arabia Mountain was formed when rock was pushed upward toward the earth's surface, but still lay underground. As Stone Mountain and Panola Mountains were formed, Arabia Mountain underwent a change and the original granite rock was metamorphosed into gneiss (nice) rock."
"Arabia Mountain is home to two Federally protected plant species, several other rare plants, and plants that are unique to these granite outcrop environments, such as the brilliant red Diamorpha or Small's Stonecrop. The granite outcrops, fields, forests and wetlands at Arabia host a diverse selection of trees, shrubs, mosses, lichens and flowers that can be enjoyed year-round. Beautiful flora you'll find here include Sunnybells, Sparkleberry, Yellow Daisy, Fringetree, and Georgia Oak. "
